weems said...

weems said...
(Words spoken at Macky's memorial service by his uncle, Weems Westfeldt.)Thank you for this opportunity to speak.I was not going to speak of the recent loss of my own son, Wallace, today. However, I changed my mind as I realized how similar he and Macky have become by the indiscriminate power of love and death.

Also there is another similarity that constitutes a learning of sorts that I want to pass on to all the young people here. There is an unwritten protocol of living and dying that I want everyone to get straight: Children must not die before their parents. I used to kid Wallace about this as he would go out in the world. I would say, "Dude, you've only got one thing to do right." He would laugh and say, "I know, Dad. Outlive you!" Well he and Macky accidentally broke that rule. And there is a critical reason that I bring this up: I want everyone to know that I forgive them. It seems simple, but it is not. Going out of order is bad stuff. However I love Macky and know that he was really trying. So, I forgive him for not waiting his turn as I forgave Wallace—even though I really do understand that there is nothing to forgive.

Yet, I still need to do it—mainly because of our own incredible suffering right now. It seems to me that the worst suffering a person can endure is the sudden loss of a young and vital loved one--a child, a relative, a friend, or a boyfriend. This suffering that we have undergone at the loss of Macky is just beyond understanding. Our agony is unimaginable and it breaks our hearts forever. We'll mend, but we'll always feel the hurt.

On the other hand, I've learned something really important from this suffering. That is... No matter how horrendous the suffering is, IT IS WORTH IT to have had the touch of Macky's life. The proof is simple. If we had a "do-over"---if we could, as Patrick said, "have him back"--KNOWING that it would end at the same age in the same way, would we take it?? Of course! Every minute of it. He was THAT beautiful and wonderful. We ache for him when we think of his struggles and we are crushed by the loss of him, but that doesn't diminish the love that we feel and we would gladly do the loving and the aching all over again.

Lastly, I'd like to mention that, the day after our Wallace died, a friend came by to visit. This man had lost two young children and his wife in an accident, many years before. We asked him, "How do you do this??? We don't know how to lose this child." He looked at us sadly, and told us perhaps the most important words I've ever heard in my life.

He said, "I don't know. But I guess we are just designed to PERSEVERE. When the dawn comes, like it does each day, you just get up and do the best you can."I think that this is what Macky did. He persevered. He did the best he could. And he was beginning to win…to come out of the dark place. I was proud of him. I have learned from him. And I love him for trying his best. And I will always carry his love in my heart as I carry his dazzling smile in the memory of my eyes.