Wallace said

(Macky's memorial service, words from Wallace Westfeldt, Macky's uncle)

I have a still crisp memory of going over to Pat and Katie’s house when Macky was a toddler. It was one of my only babysitting experiences to that point. Ignorance gave me confidence. As it turned out, it wasn’t that hard. It was bedtime and the parents wouldn’t be gone that long. All I had to do was to sit and listen to the baby monitor; which I did, and after a while, I heard Macky talking. It sounded like he was talking himself to sleep. I went into the room to check and I was wrong. He was reading himself to sleep. Before falling asleep he looked up at me with a twinkle in his eye. I thought to myself, “Gee babies sure are smart these days.”

Earlier when I was listing the many branches of our family tree you may have detected that I am proud of my family. Indeed I am. To be a member of this family there are certain characteristics that you were either born with or you must learn. Weems’ son Dylan and I were talking about those qualities this week. For whatever reason, we felt it necessary to specify these core characteristics. We came up with courage, kindness of heart, endurance, and a sense of humor.

The first two that came to us were endurance and a sense of humor. These qualities support each other. When endurance fails, the sense of humor is there and when the sense of humor fails the audience must endure. Endurance is particularly important if you marry into the family. I have been told that this is even more important if you marry Patrick, Weems, or me. I have not spoken with Dylan’s wife Stephanie on this matter but I am sure she would readily agree.

My older brothers have taught me a lot about these characteristics. Not by telling me, but by showing me. For this reason and many others, I have always looked up to my brothers, … sometimes from underwater as they demonstrated to me how long I could hold my breath, but more often in their examples of kindness; Kindness to me, kindness to strangers, kindness to their spouses (especially when there are two or more in the same room), and kindness to their children. It has been said, “It is easy to be kind.” I don’t agree. I have felt kindness from Patrick and Weems when I needed it, not when it was convenient or easy … when it was damn hard. I firmly believe that Patrick and Weems have learned this ability to be kind from Connie, Holly, Nancy, and Katie. I know I have learned it from Amy. These are some of the greatest Moms you will ever meet. You can tell by meeting their children.

Pat and Katie lived near Amy and me when Macky was little. Macky and Patrick often wandered by our house accidentally near dinner time. Patrick and I coached Macky and Nate when they were on the same Little League team. Macky had rocket arm. Control was sometimes iffy. One batter kept wandering out of the batter’s box during Macky’s windup. Eventually, the umpire had to tell the batter to stay in.

Then there was a large gap in our contact. That gap was interrupted when Macky would come over for Mom’s Crab Soup on Christmas Eve. Those interruptions became more frequent a couple of years ago. And I don’t think it was the Crab Soup. It seems that Macky’s attempt to reconnect with members of his family coincided with meeting someone name Rachel. I got to meet Rachel when she, Macky, and Patrick came up for a Broncos game. I just found out that Rachel is not a Bronco fan but pretended to be one for this occasion at Macky’s insistence. Once again it seems that a good woman can do wonders for a Westfeldt man.

And then there is courage.

I once told a friend of mine, that to be a good parent you need to have a severe lack of imagination. Otherwise, you would never let your kids out of the house. Here we are today dealing with the unimaginable; because we do let out kids out of the house. More than that we encourage it, we urge them to enjoy and to engage. As parents we have to be courageous enough to do so, courageous enough to talk to our kids about life, no matter how scary the subject matter. Results, events, successes, failures are not guaranteed. Mistakes and wretched surprises happen, whether they be rocks hidden under the snow, or decisions about personal invulnerability. For me, the levels of courage, kindness, humor, and endurance that exist in Pat and Katie are only equaled by Weems and Nancy.

Once again, I have to say I am proud of my family. Three months ago I saw Macky in Aspen. It was a hard time. Macky was there to be with his family and support his Uncle, Aunt, and cousins. My son Nate told me how great it was to see him. Macky told Nate that he missed his family and wanted to hang out with Nate.

Now I have a new crisp memory …that memory of once again seeing the twinkle in his eye. In that twinkle, I saw his sense of humor, the endurance required to maintain it in sad times, the courage behind his recent decisions, and the kindness in his heart. I am grateful that I got to know such a fine young man and proud that he was my nephew. Thank you Patrick and Katie for the gift of Macky and the twinkle in his eye.